Polyamorous or cheating? You decide.

Just
between
us

By Shelby Horton

Dear Shelby,

My boyfriend recently told me that he is “polyamorous” and would like to make our relationship an open one. What is the difference between being polyamorous in an open relationship and cheating?

Dear concerned monogamous,

A person who identifies as polyamorous is someone who participates in a non-possessive practice of loving multiple people simultaneously.

Having an open relationship would allow not only your partner to have multiple partners including you, but also allow you to have multiple sets of partners. The difference between cheating and having an open relationship with someone who is polyamorous is communication and honesty. When someone is cheating on their partner they are keeping secrets, hiding, and having the relationship without their partner’s knowledge nor consent.

When two adults choose to have a polyamory relationship, each partner must agree to the added partner.

According to a scientific American article, Dr. Bjarne Holmes, a psychologist at Champlain College, says that the one thing that the polyamorous community is great at is digging into emotions.

They value honesty, openness, and communication (http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/new-sexual-revolution-polyamory/).However, if you are not really wanting to experience this kind of relationship, talk to your partner and be honest. If they can’t accept how you feel, maybe it’s time to find a new partner.

Dear Shelby,

Is it safe to have sex in a car?

Dear Carjacker,

Having sex in a car has been made popular and romantic through movies and television; consider the car scene in “Titanic.”

While attempting this sexual fantasy, you may be caught and given a fine for public indecency, or have back problems because not all cars are roomy.

An NBC News survey with 3,000 adults found that 59% said they have had sexual relations in a car, and 26% said they did it because they wanted to try something risky.

Every act has a consequence. If you go through with it, be prepared in case you get caught.

Dear Shelby,

There is this girl in my class who is attracted to me and has told me that she would really like to have sex with me.

However, I’m not interested, but I’m scared to let her down because I saw her rip another guy apart for turning her down for sex. How do I deal with her?

Dear Not Interested,

Just be honest and polite. If she begins to reprimand you for merely not desiring her, then walk away.

If she tries to hurt you or slander you go to a school official and report it as harassment.

If you want to know more about your rights on campus regarding to harassment, please look at the HCC Harassment policy and procedures. http://www.hutchcc.edu/catalog/policy/?id=85

Dear Shelby,

How do I tell my partner that he smells?

Dear Sensitive Nose,

It is never easy to tell your partner something that could be potentially embarrassing or that could cause a minor fight.

Try to be gentle when you bring it up, and do it in private. You don’t want to embarrass him in front of a crowd.

Reassure him that you still care for him and it’s normally a really easy fix. It could be just changing to a stronger deodorant or maybe buying a different kind of soap.

Be honest and polite, because in the end you still care a lot about him and you just want to do what is best for you.

Hits: 13

Share this story: