Bringing up kinkier things isn’t so hard

Dear Shelby,

I’m really scared about having sex for the first time with my boyfriend and losing my virginity. I have read I can do something in advance myself, with a dildo, to lessen the pain. Should I do it now and get it over with?

Dear Self-sufficient,

If you’re really feeling that nervous about the pain of tearing your hymen when losing your virginity, maybe practicing abstinence is something you should consider.

When you’re nervous about having sex, especially the pain, it will make the experience possibly more painful for you since you’re tensing your muscles.

When you’re completely ready and you have no doubt in your mind, you’ll be more relaxed and the pain will be less.

If you want to practice abstinence as a solution, go to this website for more information: http://youngwomenshealth.org/2013/02/22/abstinence/.

However, if you really want to do this yourself, the added benefit is you know your pain tolerance and have more control over the situation, but there will be some pain no matter what you do.

Every girl is built differently so the amount of pain you feel may vary. Either way, do what you feel is best for you.

Dear Shelby,

I recently was playing around in bed with my girlfriend, and I pre-ejaculated on her without a condom. Could she get pregnant?

Dear Early Shooter,

According to the American Pregnancy Association, pre-ejaculation is a bodily fluid, that comes out of the penis, that men don’t have any control over.

The majority of pre-ejaculate fluid has dead or no sperm in it. The chance of getting pregnant by this is very low, and only in rare cases is there live sperm present in this fluid. If you’re truly concerned about it, have her take a pregnancy test to put both of your minds at ease.

Dear Shelby,

I’ve recently gotten into a new relationship, and we’re getting really serious. But I’m not ready to go to next level yet because I don’t know if he’s OK with my body hair down there. Should I start shaving there for him?

Dear untamed,

Body hair has become an issue among couples in sexual relationships, especially since in this culture body hair on women is kind of frowned upon.

Now having body hair does not take away your beauty or how good you should feel in the bedroom. However, your partner may have preferences, as do many people.

If you like the way you look right now, and if he doesn’t, well that’s his problem and he can move right along.

But if you choose to shave because it makes you feel beautiful, that’s perfectly OK, too.

Dear Shelby,

When being intimate with someone, what is the best way to bring up kinkier things?

Dear adventurous,

Communication is key. Before initiating anything physically, it’s best to talk it out with your partner.

If you’re intimate with your partner and you want to explore a kinkier side of sex, take time to sit down together and discuss your boundaries.

Learn what your partner is comfortable with, what you’re comfortable with, and what makes you both enjoy the experience.

Communication is an important part of any relationship, whether it’s about who is cooking dinner or what goes on in the bedroom.

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