Well folks, the time has come. For MAGA republicans, Dark Brandon has risen. For us normal, intelligent thinking individuals, the 46th president of the United States of America is finally … doing his job.

I know, it’s incredible. For the uninitiated, Dark Brandon is the new name for our legendary messiah of the dark Joseph Biden. Ever since early 2020, Trump supporters have been using the misheard chant “Let’s Go Brandon” as a stand in for the phrase “F- – – Joe Biden”, because those who use “Let’s Go Brandon” are cowards who are too afraid to just come out and say they hate the president. 

Braedon Martin

In an address last week, back lit with red lights (A fantastic touch, I may add, to the rising of our dark messiah), Biden referred to MAGA Republicans, or as I like to call them, Trumpublicans, as semi-fascists. Imagine that, a group of people who actively try to drag our country backwards, perhaps into the rough period between 1930s and 1940s, almost fascists.

And now that they’re being called accurate labels, they’re very upset about it. Now, a true-blooded Trumpublican may take that as a chance to be transphobic and talk about misgendering trans folks being ‘accurate labels’. No. Shut up. That has no place here, and I have no time to entertain your bigotry, not when there is genuine praise to offer to the standing president. 

After a summer full of attacks on civil liberties across the country, it’s rather refreshing to see our president, who did little when Roe v Wade was overturned, and the Supreme Court spoke publicly of overturning other landmark cases for civil rights, now beginning to stumble down the right path – 10,000 dollars of student loan forgiveness, that’s a good start. Numerous attempts to codify Roe V Wade, another good more. The FBI raid on Mar-A-Lago, fantastic. The inquiry into the Jan. 6 insurrection, good work. 

Gas prices are moving down, and while ongoing sanctions and turmoil in Eastern Europe may change that, we can be sure that the government is working for improvement there.

Oh, and in case you made it this far being a MAGA Republican, just to remind you. Abortion isn’t murder, Trump broke the law, Jan. 6 was perpetrated and encouraged by your politicians, the same politicians who have benefited more from student loan forgiveness than any millennial with a “useless” degree ever will, and yes, the path you follow is one of pseudo fascism. 

Get with the program and look in a mirror. You’ll find that you’re the one wearing the proverbial horns.
All Hail Dark Brandon

Braedon Martin is a Hutchinson Sophomore studying journalism. Reach/Attack him on Twitter at @TsarofNews

Hits: 44

Share this story:

Leave a Reply