Friendship over crush

Just
Between
Us

By Shelby Horton

Dear Shelby,

I have a crush on my best friend and really want to pursue a relationship, but she is straight where as I’m a lesbian. Should I risk our friendship?

Dear Friendly crush,

Having a crush on someone is already difficult, but having a crush on someone who is close to you is a completely different problem.

However, unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a future in which you two could be more than friends, since it’s not possible to make someone switch their sexual orientation since that is an important part of who they are.

In the end it’s your call. Both choices come with consequences; if you tell her your feelings she may no longer want to be friends.

If you keep your feelings bottled up, this may lead to resentment later on. Weigh both options before you make a decision on what action to proceed with.

No matter the outcome try not to regret your choice because you need to do what is best for you in the end.

Dear Shelby,

My best friend and I have recently discovered that we both have a crush on the same girl. How do we settle this without ending this in a fight?

Dear Best friend feud,

You and your best friend need to sit down and have an open conversation about your feelings and the situation that you are currently in.

Explain your reasons on why you both like this girl, and why you have developed feelings for her over time.

If at any time the discussion becomes heated, stop and calmly walk away till you calm down, then you can revisit the conversation in a calm manner that won’t ruin your friendship.

Once you get through the reasons why you like the girl, discuss what seems to matter to you more at this time.

A relationship with her or your friendship.

In my opinion, friendships come before potential dating partners because they’ll stay by your side while girlfriends/boyfriends will come and go.

Dear Shelby,

How long is it okay to bring up a past transgression with a partner? My girlfriend and I had a fight over a mistake one of us had done in the past, it still is a sensitive issue for both of us. It starts a fight whenever it is even mentioned or hinted at.

Dear Haunting Past,

Once someone makes a mistake in a relationship, no matter what it is, it can prove to be extremely easy to hold grudges and become very sensitive whenever that issue arises.

You need to sit down with your girlfriend and have an open conversation about the “mistake” that has caused you guys such problems.

There will be yelling, anger, tears, and a lot of pent up emotions being revealed during this conversation.

Once you have settled down and feel that you have expressed your feelings while coming to an agreement, never bring up this mistake again. However, if this is the type of issue that you can’t seem to get past, then it’s time to find a new partner in life.

Dear Shelby,

I really want to get a tattoo, but my boyfriend doesn’t like the idea because he thinks that it isn’t feminine. What should I do?

Dear Tattoo lover,

Tattoos are a big decision and a painful one, but they can be beautiful reminders of who we are, what we love, or where we’re going.

However, not everyone thinks this way and they can see tattoos as ruining someone’s body or taking away a certain aspect from them.

This is your body though and you should have the final say in the decision of what goes on it or stays off of it.

If he continues to try and tell you what you can and cannot do based only on his personal ideals, have a conversation over it to try and understand both sides of the situation.

If he tries to push the issue maybe it’s time to reestablish your relationship boundaries or find someone who appreciates tattoos.

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