Caffeine wars: Some like it hot, some like it cold, some never know

By Cole Deutschendorf
Staff Writer

Mozart vs. Beethoven. Dogs vs. cats. Fred vs. Shaggy.

These are debates that have been around for a while, debates that can bring out the worst in people, debates that will have truly disastrous effects.

But nothing can compare to the debate of hot coffee vs. cold coffee.

It is a debate that is as old as time itself. Well, maybe not that old, but a debate that has become fairly popular over the last couple of years as rampant coffee use seems to have gone up exponentially.

Usually, when discussing other topics, it is commonplace to be able to tell what someone’s thoughts are on a certain topic. This is not the case for this debate, as there are no parameters to what people are feeling.

For some, it depends on what season it is, i.e. drinking hot coffee in the winter and drinking cold coffee in the summer. For others, the coffees may taste different. Some people just prefer one over the other, with no rhyme or reason as to why they feel that way.

Matt Wilper, an economics professor at Hutchinson Community College, debated Newton freshman Dawson Ellette during macroeconomics class one day.

“The purpose of coffee is to make you warm,” Wilper said. “In fact, the stat that I just made up off the top of my head says that 80% of people that drink cold coffee end up killing their parents.”

“That is absolutely not true,” Ellette responded defiantly, shaking his head in disgust. “Cold coffee is simply just delicious and better.”

Then a student, who chose to remain anonymous, spoke up from the back of the room.

“If you’re going to drink cold coffee, you should drink cold brew,” the student said. “Cold brew brews in cold water, so it’s less acidic. Plus, it has more caffeine in it.”

Despite differences in the class, everyone came to the conclusion that frappuccinos deserved the most hate out of any type of coffee.

“I can tolerate people who drink cold coffee,” Wilper said. “But people who drink frappuccinos should be shunned from society.”

At last, some common ground. A majority of the class nodded in agreement, and they came to this conclusion: Whether you enjoy hot coffee over iced coffee, or vice versa, everyone should dislike frappuccinos.

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